Just as heterosexual relationships vary greatly so too do homosexual relationships. Some are short-lived and others long-term. Some people are more sexually adventurous than others. A person's sexual and emotional predilections and needs may alter over time and so too may each of their partner's.

Both heterosexual and homosexual men and women can enjoy a wide range of sexual activities. They can kiss, cuddle, massage and rub each other, masturbate themselves or each other, give and receive oral sex, enjoy the use of sex aids and penetrate each other with fingers, or in the case of two men, their penises.

Some people presume that sex between men will involve anal penetration. In a national study carried out in Britain in the 1990s however, it was discovered that between a quarter and a third of homosexual men have never had anal sex as either the penetrative or receptive partner. In recent years, since it has become clear that penetrative sex is a particularly risky activity with regard to HIV, quite a lot of men who previously had penetrative sex have altered their behaviour.

In heterosexual relationships, especially between young people, it is a common expectation that it is the male role to push for penetrative sex and the female role to resist until she is ready. Young people naturally believe that there must be equivalent roles for lesbian and gay couples. Therefore, they expect that same-sex couples take on roles in which one person is dominant and the other submissive. In fact, this need be no more true of same-sex relationships than it is of heterosexual relationships.

What does anal sex mean to (young) gay men ?

Research with young gay men carried out in Britain in the early 1990s revealed a strong belief that anal sex would be a large element of any gay relationship. Many of them knew that was not what they wanted and quickly learnt that it was not necessarily an expectation of the other person.

However whilst many young men were pleased to discover that anal sex wasn't an expectation in their early relationships, they were usually very clear about the particular circumstances under which they would agree to penetrative sex. Much of this seemed to be based around a concept of the 'right' time and included notions of trust, respect, 'saving it', sharing yourself and 'doing it with someone special'. Anal intercourse appears to be seen by many young men (at least before they start having penetrative sex) as a similar marker of a 'committed' loving relationship that is encouraged in young people when there is discussion of (vaginal) sexual intercourse.

These same notions, however, do not protect young men from being infected with HIV. In reality these notions can directly contradict safer sex messages, which may be vital for young men to act on:

Perceptions of gay relationships

In Britain, in the United States, in Australia, and in European countries such as Norway, the Netherlands and Germany, gay and bisexual men were among the first to be affected by HIV. For many people in Britain the reporting of HIV and the prevailing climate towards gay people only served to reinforce assumptions about gay men and their sex lives.

As a result of this many young gay men grew up with strongly held preconceptions of gay relationships.

Homosexuality, HIV/AIDS and young gay men

Homosexual men remain the group at the greatest risk of getting infected with HIV in the UK. Throughout the 1990s, there were modest falls in the number of new diagnoses among homosexual men, except in 1996 when multi-antiretroviral therapy first became widely available and the advantages of early diagnoses became clearer. Estimation of current HIV incidence rate among men who have sex with men is difficult. The often long period of time between the infection and diagnoses can make predicting the incidence rates hard. Also, some of the new infections will have occurred abroad either in the course of travel o before moving to abroad. The great majority of new infections in this risk group will, however, have been acquired in the UK, and there are indications of rises in behaviours associated with increased risk among men who have sex between men in the UK. As the end of September 2004, 32,412 men who have sex with men have been diagnosed with HIV.

On the basis of these figures gay men have been criticised for being promiscuous and taking unnecessary sexual risks. However, evidence suggests that on the contrary gay men have been very sensitive and responsive in regard to safer sex promotion and condoms are widely and properly used. The high rate of infection reflects a complex relationship between a lack of information in the early days of the epidemic, patterns of sexual activity, the risk of infection and prevalence of the virus among gay men.

The primary mode of transmission of HIV between men is through anal sex without a condom (sometimes called "bare back sex"). For young gay men there may be particular problems with trying to practice safer sex. Some young gay men may not feel secure about obtaining or using extra strong condoms for anal sex because if they are seen purchasing or in possession of them it might be interpreted as a disclosure of gay identity. They also rarely have the benefit of sex education in school in which sexual behaviour between same-sex partners is discussed. This can make it very hard for young gay men to feel comfortable about negotiating safer sex.

Some young gay men believe that having fewer partners and being monogamous is adequate protection against HIV. Research in the UK suggests that significantly more young gay men are in closed or monogamous relationships than older men. This may explain why some young men are getting infected because it's within these relationships that some of them are having unprotected anal sex. This is often on the basis of assumed negative HIV status.

The young men were also asked whether they associated AIDS more with older men. They were almost unanimous in their dismissal of the idea that they were less vulnerable to HIV than older people. A number of the young men suggested that they were at greater risk than their older counterparts, perhaps reflecting a different version of the same stereotypes about youthful recklessness.

Many of them were also aware that young people miss out on the information which encourages safer behaviour and this was also used to explain why younger men might be at greater risk.

Problems With Sticking To Safer Sex

The status of a relationship can affect gay men's commitment to having protected anal sex. For young gay men there is often a shift from a situation where there was a great fear associated with having anal sex (and little information available about safer sex), to a position where once people are 'out', the information available reassured them about having penetrative sex. A decision never to have anal sex often changes to a decision to always have protected sex. Once in relationships this position changes again such that at certain times with certain people unprotected anal intercourse may take place. What is clear is that an overriding determination always to have protected anal sex does not always translate into action when in relationships.